Sibling Rivalry can be a challenge at the best of times, but I’m sure we would all agree, these are far from the best of times. We are all cooped up in the same space, trying to do our best; it is tough. If we are feeling the stress and the anxiety, then it would stand to reason that our children are feeling stressed and anxious too. The challenge for us is, that they often show it by squabbling, arguing or even hitting out at their siblings - especially if they are sharing the same space.
Here are a few practical things you can do to help.
If in doubt- get them out!
However big or small the space your family has available one of the biggest things that can help is if everyone gets out, every day. A walk around the block, kicking a ball around or, if you are lucky enough to have a garden then get outside as often as you can - no excuses, wrap up warm and get out in the open air. When I am working with children one of my main mantras is (in the nicest possible way) If in doubt, get them out. If you really can’t get out then put on an action song or do some exercise to Joe Wicks, Go Noodle or something similar and remember to join in. Exercise is good for us all.
One-to-one time- even just a little…
Giving each child, even a little bit of time with you in the week might seem like a tall order but even if it is each child taking a turn to help you prepare a meal, that simple one-to-one time can make all the difference. It helps them to keep their own individual identity, to know that they are seen and heard as themselves and not just ‘You kids!’ While you are folding the washing together you will end up talking on a more human level, not simply command and demand, which is so easy to fall into when time is tight and fuses are short.
Stop, Think, Act, Reflect - be a STAR
So often we can get cross with our children, but we can benefit so much from taking a moment to reflect on our own strategies; the choices we make as adults and the messages we are giving out, either verbally or with our body language, or a few little tweaks to our words or actions can make the world of difference whether we have one child or many. Watch out for the A-Z of Brilliant Behaviour on social media (links below!), short, snappy videos with practical, realistic strategies which will help us to support each one of our children and help keep us sane at the same time.
Own things - own space
We teach our children to share, and rightly so, but when all your time and space are shared with others it is important that each child is allowed to have some things which are their own. It might be that they have just one special drawer or a space, however small, that they can go to when they want to take a little time.
TAKE ONE - family learning
It is also important that our children begin to enjoy working together however big their age gap is. To help with this look out for TAKE ONE. These are simple starting points for home learning, open-ended , fun activities which all the family can take part in. The great thing is they only need things which you are likely to have at home. Whether they are taking part individually or together these simple starting points help each child to think creatively, enjoy learning and let the task lead them in endless different directions.
Keep up the good work!
It is so tough, having your children at home all the time, having to make sure all the chores are done and working from home too. Whatever challenges you are facing, you are doing a great job. Celebrate the little things you have done well today!
If it feel like things are all too much it is a strength to ask for help; call a friend you trust, take a little break or there are lots of really useful websites.
Sibling Rivalry Parent Workshop is just one of the Solving Parents’ Problems workshops available. If you have a particular challenge or would like some tailor made support then drop us an email - a one to one parent coaching session can make all the difference.
Take care and keep safe!
Ali
Feb 3, 2021
