Think of a day, any ordinary day. You get up, you switch off your alarm, you have a shower, you get dressed. Before you have even faced the world you have already practised several habits. Do you have to give yourself a reminder or put the things above on a to-do list? I suspect not because these things have become regular routines. Just as the earth turns each day, as adults, we have a built-in program of daily disciplines, of helpful habits
Helpful habits
What helpful habits are we helping our children learn to do on a daily basis? Clean their teeth, tidy their bed, feed the hamster… The great thing about repeated routines is that they become embedded into the long-term memory, they become repeated patterns, they become helpful habits. ( I am aware that we can also build in harmful habits but let’s stick with the helpful ones for now!)
Relationships and routines we can rely on
As adults, how can we be sure that the habits we are helping our children learn are the right ones for them? It goes back to relationships. A very wise woman who adopted her children once shared with me that ‘ There is no correction without connection’ It comes back to relationships, we need to really know the child we are trying to help, and they need to know that they can count on us. They need to know that our relationship with them is a relationship they can rely on.
When they know they can trust us they will be more open to our advice. They will value our voice. They will trust that we understand them and the world they are learning to walk in. When we really know how they work, what comes naturally and what is important to them then we can choose the routines that will work for them.
Repetition of the Right Thing
The routines that work best are those that are a daily discipline. They are based on what we know the child needs next, what is the right thing for that child and that it is at the right time for them. They are then more likely to be able to take this on board, have that habit stick and experience success without using up precious working memory. They will have learned it and we will have chosen what is important for them to learn. They will have learned it and we will have taught it.
What is discipline?
Sadly, discipline has grown to mean punishment. That is not what we mean when we talk about daily discipline. The clue is in the positive Latin roots of the word. Discipline in this context means teaching and learning; so, if your child has repeated and regular routines on a daily basis these are daily disciplines. If we know our child well and have chosen the right routines to reinforce, then they will become embedded as helpful habits. ‘
Helpful Habits
How do we decide which habits are helpful and how do we make them happen?
We decide what is important for our family, for our school, for our setting, and- for our child for their future. It is us, the adults who decide what is important for our family , for our child and for their future
We model this behaviour and put things in place to help make it happen- places to put things, little rhymes, prompts to remind them without us needing to nag
We praise, specifically when the habit happens reminders. It was so helpful when you hung up your bag. It was great that you got your books ready for tomorrow, planting pictures in their mind of what has made us proud.
To understand their behaviour notice when the habit happens
We help them make positive connections between the action and how it makes a difference, maybe not now, not an instant reward but seeing the reasons behind their routines
We need to help them make positive connections between their actions and the reactions of others
Understand that, until a habit is embedded that they will stumble; be prepared not to make them feel bad for forgetting but simply remind them of the rules and the reasons behind them
If you would like to know more Ali has some New Year’s Gifts for you whether you are a parent, teacher or Early Childhood Practitioners
Schools and settings- please feel free to forward these free events to your teams, colleagues and families
REGULAR FREE EVENTS
FOR PARENTS- Facebook Live 8pm UTC Last Thursday in the month
Thursday 27th January - Helping your Child build Helpful Habits
Thursday 24th February - Do rewards really work?
Thursday 17th March - Successful steps to self-regulation- Overwhelming expectations?
FOR EARLY CHILDHOOD EDUCATORS- SUPPORTING SELF-REGULATION SATURDAYS
WEBINAR SERIES 9 am UTC
Saturday 22nd January - Helping your Child build Helpful Habits
Saturday 26th February - Do rewards really work?
Saturday 17th March - Successful steps to self-regulation- Overwhelming expectations?
Daily Disciplines and Helpful Habits comes from Ali’s Masterclass Series and Forthcoming Book
‘Five Fundamentals for Brilliant Behaviour, Self-Regulation and Limitless Learning. If you are a leader in learning or are keen to empower the practice of other professionals or find out more here
LINKS