My youngest son has just got a new job. He has always been fantastic in the kitchen – lucky me! But this week, he has begun his new job as a chef in a lovely Vietnamese restaurant.
I really wanted to know all about it: the menu, the ingredients, the hours, the team...
I was really enjoying hearing my son's enthusiasm and how excited he was to finally cook real food in a real restaurant for real customers paying real money!
I felt I was listening to his every word and hearing the passion and pride behind what Sam was saying.
But after a while, he paused and asked,
“Are you OK Mum?”
“Yes, lovely, I'm fine,” I replied.
I know that sometimes I find it hard to concentrate if my sons are talking about complex computing issues or lots of techy talk but I, too, love cooking and I was really interested.
Sam has always been a very intuitive chap – he always knows when you need a cup of tea or when something is on your mind. He is very sensitive.
“It sounds like you are worried,” he said.
He was absolutely spot on; I had begun the conversation with no intention of sharing with him that his Grandma was doing poorly, that I was worried and waiting to hear back from the doctor. There was nothing to report and so, I thought, nothing to share. But oh, how wrong I was! I was sharing, just with my voice, no faces, no body language, just the pauses in my phrases, the flow of the conversation.
I was SO interested in how my boy was doing in his first proper job, but he was able to see beneath the surface. He could tell that there was a worry and, as much as I was trying to keep it to myself, it was affecting my wellbeing and, however subtly, my behaviour.
What are the signs that your child is struggling with their wellbeing, that their behaviour has changed?
Are they struggling to concentrate? Are they distracted, forgetful? Are they walking differently, struggling to find the right words or simply not connecting in the way they usually do?
What can you do to help?
Knowing your child well is so important and that comes with noticing when little things are different. These tiny signs will help you to see beneath the surface and work out what is worrying them, where that worry is coming from and what you can do to help them. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Your subtle signs impact them, whether we intend them to or not.
To find out more about wellbeing and behaviour, join Ali on her forthcoming Solving Parents' Problems workshops: